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哈利波特:魔法朋克2021

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我叫w, 2021年,我所就读的霍格沃茨网易学院被评为全球最烂魔法学校。

我是个普通的麻瓜,魔法世界原本对我来说是一个遥不可及的梦。但是,就像只要你愿意花些钱就可以读一个名校挂牌的独立院校一样,由于战后魔法世界经济萧条,第一家魔法独立院校霍格沃茨网易学院成立了。

而我,光荣地成为了其中的一名新生。

然而,在踏入这所学院之后,我才意识到要在这个地方生存比我想象中要难得多。

刚刚准备走进礼堂,我就险些被一个骑着最新款扫帚的人撞得人仰马翻。我不知道为什么城堡里也能骑飞天扫帚,而且也没有教授扣他的分。

接着,我战战兢地迎来了分院仪式。排在我之前的那个女孩对着分院帽说,她一定要去斯莱特林,因为她是马尔福的第10086个老婆。分院帽马上就同意了,让我很惊讶。戴上帽子的时候,分院帽让我直接说想去哪个学院,别浪费它时间。

虽然很多地方都不太对劲,但我没有放在心上。我满心期待着第二天课程的到来。

然而这才是噩梦的开始。第一节魔咒课,我们直接被要求用漂浮咒对付一头成年巨怪。黑魔法防御术,博格特变成了一只摄魂怪,老师在这个时候失踪了,我不得不单挑那只摄魂怪。不知道为什么我们一开学就有保护神奇动物课,连上个魔药课都要与一群凶恶的老鼠展开生死搏斗。最让我放松的魔法史,就算答不出来也可以明目张胆抄小组同学的,教授就是个瞎子。

然而就算是下课也不能掉以轻心。在这所学校里八眼巨蛛的幼崽、巨怪满地都是,简直与禁林无异。这里的管理员还可以操纵一群红帽子随意攻击屠杀学生,有一个学生就被杀了,血在走廊墙上溅得老高,管理员还在抱怨血迹很难擦。倒霉的我刚好被他抓过去擦血迹,而且不准用魔法,那一天我没有吃下晚饭。

很多时候我见不到我的同学。他们经常独自或者组队去禁林,虽然禁林里三天两头就会混进来邪恶的黑巫师、可怕的火龙,他们还是和去家附近的超市一样随便,去禁林散步好像比去霍格莫德还要容易。我的同学们人均可以单挑一只成年火龙,其魔法生物更是不在话下。

也许察觉到了我的苦恼,我的室友邀请我和他一起去图书馆。就在我感叹终于有踏实学习的人时,却发现图书馆里到处都是人在施魔法。没等我在想这是严重违反校规时,我就注意到好几个新生都会神锋无影这种高级的咒语。

魔法世界什么时候变得这么卷了?

同学告诉我,只要付点钱给图书馆管理员,她就会把记录了厉害魔咒的给我们,而我们只要看一眼就能学会。我将信将疑,买了几张通行证交给她。想不到这都是真的,但是我花了很多通行证,学到的只有很普通的咒语。我室友就不一样了,一下子得到许多稀有的魔法。

室友得到新咒语,迫不及待想去决斗俱乐部找人切磋。我陪他一起去了,考虑到自己太菜,我拒绝了他双人组队的邀请,室友便独自应战。

刚开始是我室友占了上风,结果对方眼见不敌,突然念出了“阿瓦达索命! "绿光一闪,我的室友躺在地上,不动了。

我只觉得大脑空白,浑身发冷,没有人指责用不可饶恕咒的那个同学,甚至没有魔法部来调查。我浑浑噩噩回到宿舍,另外两个室友也完全没有身边人死了该有的反应。我碰了碰我隔壁床位的室友,他从昨天晚上就一直坐在床上看书,保持了十几个小时没有动过。

一位教授告诉我,只要我愿意多花一点钱,他就可以教我使用阿瓦达索命咒,另外还附赠当季最新网红款巫师袍。我落荒而逃。

很快,我发现这个学校里每天都有危险的高级咒语飞来飞去。在学校每走一步都要特别小心,决斗俱乐部每天“阿瓦达索命”“钻心剜骨”声不断,竖着进去横着出去的学生已经屡见不鲜。由于死掉的人太多,只能把礼堂前面的广场临时改成停尸间。尸体多得已经要撂起来了,导致骑着飞天扫帚到处乱飞的同学很容易撞上尸体堆,学校说他们已经在想办法了。

禁林直接开发成农家乐,海格的小屋改装成了售票处。霍格沃茨学生可以凭学生证自由进出。买票的主要都是外面的黑巫师,想去禁林偷取珍贵的材料,结果要么被火龙杀死,要么被学生杀死,没人能活着出来。

用“阿瓦达索命”问好成为了学生之间的新风尚,你不会用阿瓦达索命,你就是土鳖,被人看不起。听说魔法部不是没管过,但是派来的傲罗根本打不过那些家里有钱买了很多通行证的学生。最后魔法部也不管了,甚至学校堂而皇之卖伏地魔年轻时的私生饭饭拍图都没人管。

我今天也胆战心惊的在学校里苟且偷生。刚刚上厕所的时候遭遇了几个会动的盔甲,幸好隔壁有个哥们在上大号,随随便便就放了一道厉火把它们解决了。但也不是总能遇见好人的,之前去禁林的时候,我亲眼看到一个学生叫来了一群食死徒团建,还对一个狼人用钻心剜骨。

这一天,校长喜滋滋地宣布,从今天开始咱们霍格沃茨网易学院的毕业生都包分配工作。毕业直接进阿兹卡班,服刑期间享受双国籍和英国绿卡,牢饭管饱,还可以和摄魂怪丢手绢。祝愿大家都能活到毕业那一天!

我恐惧了,我不想去阿兹卡班。在这个学校,死亡的阴影始终盘踞在城堡上空。这里的人可以前一秒和食死徒把酒言欢,下一秒就用比黑魔王还老练的不可饶恕咒置人于死地。违章飞行的人到处都是,攻击的咒语没有一刻是停歇的。谁也不知道接下来会落在自己头顶上的是骑着飞天扫帚的人,还是致命的恶咒。

我惶惶不可终日,每天也不去上学,就在对角巷的街头鬼混。因为只有这里是安全的,不会有那些可怕的事情。虽然不在学校,他们还是会一天到晚写信给你,总之是变着花样劝你去古灵阁把麻瓜货币变成金加隆。

某一天,我突然收到了学校寄来的信件,说是颁布了新的校规,要我回去一趟。结果我刚刚走进公共休息室,就听到一句提示音。

“您已进入自由交战区域。”

没等我思考这是什么意思, “阿瓦达索命累充8848元豪华限定版! "只听这么一声,我眼前闪过一阵绿光,然后我倒下了,就像当初我的室友一样。临死前我最后的念头是:原来新校规是允许自由开火啊。

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