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2021上半年「浴中奇思」精选 TOP100

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1、「拥抱」超过某个时长就会变成「依偎」。

2、如果某个地方的人都患有口吃,它就不叫口吃而叫一种口音。

3、耳机是声音的吸管。

4、「香」分两种,一种是让人想吃的香,一种是不会让人想吃的香。

5、「每次你犯拖延症后都能惊险地把事情做完」正是每次你都犯拖延症的原因。

6、小孩有幻想中的朋友,成人有幻想中的敌

7、如果你住在南北极,「一夜情」就是一段长达六个月的亲密关系。

8、如果你足够有钱的话,博物馆对你来说就是个大型礼品店。

9、照镜子会让你的人生突然从第一人称转换为第三人称。

10、如果死后大家找不到你的尸体,你就会缺席自己的葬礼。

11、日本人用榻榻米完美的解决了「我的床下有只怪物」的历史性难题。

12、在吃水果罐头时,你很可能是在跟地球另一边的某人分食着一个水果。

13、手机靠消耗电量来监控自己还有多少电。

14、「机器人会抢走人类的工作」不算什么问题,真正的问题是我们创造了一个「被机器人抢走工作竟然是坏事」的世界。

15、胸部、屁股和蛋蛋( Boobs Butts Balls))里的 B 都是象形字母。

16、考虑到生殖器特征的话,其实男性更适合穿裙子。

17、如果用涂满了花生酱的刀子去捅对花生过敏的人,会造成带毒属性的伤害。

18、之所以猫猫常常摆出一副「老子不在乎」的样子,可能是因为它们几乎整天都处于刚睡醒的懵逼状态。

19、CPR 是一种低阶的招魂术。

20、爆米花的本质是一个个喂给你奶油的小垫

21、一队鸭子既是海军,也是陆军,还是空军。

22、理论上来说,只要依次完成特定的某一系列动作,你就能在一周内变成亿万富翁。只可惜你不知道这套组合拳该如何落地。

23、有操控风超能力的人能强迫别人闻自己的屁。

24、戴眼镜时,你的眼睛要拜托鼻子和耳朵帮自己一个小忙。

25、如果你强迫自己不听一首歌的理由是怕听腻它,就说明你是真的很喜欢这首歌。

26、扔骰子的时候,如果你想扔出 6 却扔出了 5,大概会情不自禁地安慰自己「唉就差一点点」,但实际上差了可不止一点呢。

27、如果你踩了别人的脚,TA 的嘴就会张开,和垃圾桶一样耶。

28、把某人的照片设为手机屏保就是当代版的「把照片放进怀表/项链挂坠」

29、NASA 可以说是终极的追星狗仔队。

30、亲吻别人肚皮的时候,你的嘴离 TA 肠道里即将拉出来的屎仅相隔几厘米。

31、在二手平台上卖自己的健身器材并注明「几乎全新」还蛮羞耻的。

32、《狮子王》和《疯狂动物城》可以看做是同一世界观下的作品,前者的故事在远古蒙昧时期,而后者发生在这个世界的近现代。

33、小孩靠交流生活的美好来建立友谊,成人靠相互倾吐生活的痛苦和凌乱来缔结信任。

34、看着后视镜向前开车是一种极度危险的行为,对人生来说也一样。

35、未来某天你可能会买到一份保质期比你自己久的食物。

36、有没有可能睡觉才是人类的默认状态,而我们醒着的目的只是为了寻找各种做梦的素材?

37、烧掉一张钞票时,你会变穷一点,但同时会让其他所有人变富一点。

38、「一整天都懒着啥也不干」听起来很爽,但如果你真的这么做了就会有点后悔自己真的天都懒着啥也没干。

39、日全食就像自然界版本的「DVD 待机页面的 LOGO 正好弹到屏幕一角」。

40、鸟可能会认为人类修的高压电线是专门供它们社交的场所。

41、「善良的愚蠢」有时候会比「恶意的聪明」造成更大伤害。

42、没什么比「有个巨傻逼的人赞同了你的观点」更能让你马上改变立场了。

43、「怀疑论者」追求事实却不照顾别人的感觉,而「阴谋论者」会一味相信自己的感觉而无视事实。

44、为什么「尊敬长者」在过去的时代才更有意义?因为那时候的人必须要足够聪明、足够机警和足够有本事才能活到老年。

45、在一段感情中,「第一次当着对方的面放屁」可能比「第一次接吻」更具有里程碑意

46、你保持一个微笑的时间越久,它就显得越不真诚。

47、程序员写程序用的程序也是别的程序员用程序写的。

48、小时候我们喜欢拉朋友到自己的卧室里玩,长大后我们更倾向于把朋友留在客厅。

49、在导航软件出现之前,「知道从 A 到 B 最快的路线」是件很值得骄傲的事情。

50、拥有超级速度的英雄应该都很讨厌自动门吧。

61、「友善的提醒」通常都非常不友善。

62、面包酵母靠吃过糖后狂放真菌屁来让面包变得蓬松。

63、如果西半球的人收到了东半球朋友发来的日出照片,相当于被剧透了日出。

64、剪砂纸时,你是在一个人玩「石头剪刀布」。

65、不论一面镜子看起来有多脏,它实际上都只有一半那么脏。

66、如果盖茨和贝佐斯结婚,他们就能缔结地球上最有钱的家庭。

67、可能很多男性的一生中只有在自己的葬礼上才有机会收到别人送的鲜花。

68、通常来说汉堡不分前后,直到被你咬了一口。

69、人是半半人马。

70、如果身边的人都特别了解「旧」的你,你就会很难变成「新」的自己。

71、「在手忙脚乱中接住不小心碰掉的东西」大概是我们普通人能经历的最接近超级英雄的体验了。

72、 我们去游泳的时候,水会进入嘴巴、鼻子和耳朵,但不会进入我们的屁眼子。所以我们的屁眼子是防水耶!

73、 你的兄弟姐妹代表了你的人生可能呈现的另一种样子。

74、 如果做定时炸弹的人都不用倒计时而改为正计时,别人就无法知道它什么时候会爆炸。

75、 最简单能证明一个人脾气不好的方法是告诉他「你这个人脾气不好」。

76、 如果有一天你输入 ( 时忘了打另一半括号,你以后打的每个字都会留在这个括号里。

77、 本身是没有声音的,只可惜你屁股的震动会出声。

78、 你设的密码大概率只拦住过你自己的登录尝试。

79、枪就是异常复杂版的「扔石头砸别人」

80、 如果你能知道距离你最近的一具尸体离你有多远,会不会超级可怕?

81、 人人都希望自己能幸福地死去,但问题是幸福的时候谁想死呢?

82、蛾子就像是哥特版的蝴蝶。

83、 如果真的有「转世重生」这回事儿,我们中有些人的前世可能做过恐龙。

84、 其实每个笑话都有一个隐藏的倒计时,如果你没有在时限内 get 到笑点,它就会变得不再好笑。

85、 其实夜晚的时候天没有「变黑」,天一直是透明的,我们只是看到了黑色的宇宙。

86、 枕头,是你脑袋睡的小床。

87、 等所有汽车都变成电力驱动后,「踩油门」对于新一代孩子就会和「挂电话」一样变成令人困惑的词汇。

88、 或许女性连环杀手比较罕见是因为她们比男人更擅长于此。

89、 当你陪着别人一起听你喜欢的音乐时,你会突然比平时变得更挑剔。

90、 当代幼儿园的小朋友可能画电视机的时候已经不怎么画顶上的天线了。

91、 阴谋论可能是阴谋的一部分,作用就是把大众的注意力从真正的阴谋上转移走。

92、 如果说死亡是长眠,那么床就是你的临时坟墓。

93、 如果你挣钱很少还在上班时喝酒,你就是个垃圾;但如果你挣钱很多并且在上班时喝酒,则会被称为「有格调」

94、 长大成人的重要标志:你在买东西前往往会先考虑它好不好清理。

95、 也许魔法咒语真的存在,但这个特定的发音组合至今还没有被人说出来过。

96、 冰箱,每家都有的粒子减速器。

97、 你咽一天自己的口水也不会觉得有问题,但只要想到「它离开了你的嘴再被你吃回去」就会突然变得很恶心。

98、 游戏/动漫里的 Boss 加入主角团后通常会变弱,可能主要是因为他们曾被主角痛打过所以失去了部分战斗能力。

99、 对一部电视剧或电影的最大褒奖就是用正常倍速播放并放下手机。

100、 现在开始从 10 倒数到 1......你就很可能给某人做了死亡倒计时。

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